Ah, the All-Star break. A time for fantasy owners to take three days off from the grind of a six-month baseball season. To most, it's a welcome reprieve. To myself and other baseball-obsessed individuals, it's the three most excruciating days of a season. By the time Thursday rolls around, I'd even be willing to watch the Mets play.Since we have to find some way of passing the time till then, let's name some illustrious fantasy squads -- one comprised of the best players at each position, another comprised of players that scarred their teams' chances of postseason glory, the third comprised of the draft picks that brought us the most bang for our buck, and the last comprised of the best young talent around. The voting for these three teams opened on July 4th at 8:00 PM and closed promptly on July 4th at 8:01. Since I was the only one to submit a vote, these teams might be a little skewed to my point of view.
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The Albert Pujols All-Stars
1B: Albert Pujols. Duh.
2B: Chase Utley. Remember when some injury concerns caused Utley to drop to the second round? Yeah, neither do I.
3B: Mark Reynolds. If you would have told me I'd get 24 HRs, 15 SBs and a .258 average from Reynolds this year, I would have taken it. He has that -- and two-plus months left in the season.
SS: Hanley Ramirez. Am I the only one that thinks Hanley would've traded this awesomeness to be the starting SS of the Red Sox?
C: Joe Mauer. Anyone that played the over on "Number of Joe Mauer homers in 2009" can already cash in their winning ticket. Mauer Power checks in at 15 HRs and counting.
OF: Carl Crawford. After eight HRs and 25 SBs last year (along with an un-Crawford like .273 average), this year's eight HRs and 44 SBs (along with a .310 average) put Crawford in the OF elite.
OF: Torii Hunter. A strained abductor will likely end Hunter's chances of staying on this list at season's end. Can't complain about the 17/13 HR/SB combo and .305 average he's given you.
OF: Ryan Braun. The HRs seem a tad light, don't they? He's still swiping a handful of bases and hitting for great average. Fear not, a power surge will come and he'll end the year with 35-plus dingers.
UT: Prince Fielder. Block Pujols' season for a second and consider how great a step forward the big man has taken. .315/.442/.614 and 22 HRs make him the close choice for our utility slot.
SP: Dan Haren. Some owners are dealing the ace based on fear of future volatility. I think he'll be winning leagues across the nation for shrewd owners.
SP: Tim Lincecum. Honestly, Lincecum could throw eight no-hitters this year with his stuff and it wouldn't shock anyone. The Giants have the young pitching in place to make a dynastic run -- if only they could find some bats.
SP: Zack Grienke. Any pitcher that can win ten games by the ASB playing with the Royals deserves all the credit in the world. Once upon a time, he made DL stints for unstable young talents all the rage.
SP: Felix Hernandez. Lights out since May 24, the former buzz-inducing young phenom (you know, before Lincecum took the crown) has been an excellent mid-round bargain.
RP: Joe Nathan. Nathan's line: 1.31 ERA, 43 Ks, 7 BBs, 23 saves. And he hasn't allowed a run in 21 consecutive outings, racking up 17 saves in that time. So, you know, the anti-Brad Lidge.
The Russell Martin All-Scars
1B: Chris Davis. In December, he was an intriguing 10th-round pick. By February, he was a popular eighth-round selection. By March, he was going in the fifth or sixth round. If the season started in May, he'd have been the No. 1 pick.2B: Howie Kendrick. Even if the power numbers aren't there, at least you can be confident that Kendrick will bring a high .300-plus average to your squad. Oh, .239 you say? Are you sure that's not Kyle Kendrick?
3B: Garrett Atkins. I know, you drafted Davis and Atkins to play your corner infield spots and entered the season with unbridled enthusiasm. Atkins recently went 8-for-13 with a HR in a three-game stretch -- hope you sold high.
SS: Jimmy Rollins. Sorry, Jimmy. You know I love you, but it's going to take more than a hot two weeks in July to undo all the damage you've wrought to our teams.
C: Russell Martin. Hindsight is 20/20. Which Russell Martin never has a chance of being. Sorry, guys that still hold a connection to the 2007 Martin, it's time to let go.
OF: Josh Hamilton. I want to give Hamilton a pass due to his time on the DL. He'd make it easier if he hit some homers. 150 at-bats of suckitude is enough to put him on the All-Scars. I'll spare Vladimir Guerrero and Carlos Quentin though.
OF: Magglio Ordonez. Maggs was able to lose the ability to hit for average and power at the same time, not an easy task to accomplish. Now he's platooning with someone name Clete, who really sounds like a Nike spokesperson.
OF: Chris Young. Did you know that Chris Young the pitcher actually has a higher average than Chris Young the outfielder? OK, that's a lie, but it's sad I had to look that up to be sure -- wait, check that. The pitcher is batting 65 points higher. And he plays half his games in Petco.
UT: Rafael Furcal. 2009 has been a mirror opposite of 2008. No power and no speed while showing the uncanny ability to stay healthy and in fantasy lineups everywhere.
SP: Francisco Liriano. At this point, his owners are probably praying for another injury. Liriano has done a good job in the last six weeks of bringing the ERA down to the mid-fives. Not good enough, however.
SP: Ervin Santana. I'm convinced that Ervin has an identical twin that sells baked goods in some quiet Midwestern town, and that they switch lives every 12 months. Fine then, you explain it.
SP: Rich Harden. Remember the good ol' days when Harden would give us a handful of fantastic starts and disappear to the disabled list? I miss those days.
SP: Joba Chamberlain. He was supposed to be the Next Big Thing. I had him in Roy Oswalt territory heading into 2009. To me, he's probably the most disappointing of these names
RP: Carlos Marmol. This was the year Marmol was to inherit the Cubs' closer gig -- or so you thought. Flash forward to now, and Marmol's "breakout" three-save season (complete with horrible WHIP) has you once again cursing the overhyped mid-round closer.
The Justin Upton All-Sleepers
1B: Russell Branyan. You grabbed him thinking he'd supply you with some late-round pop and nothing more. Who knew he'd match Ryan Howard's first-half HR total, while hitting for a better average to boot?
2B: Aaron Hill. A concussion cut Hill's 2008 short. As a repayment, he's making as many AL pitchers' heads hurt as possible in 2009.
3B: Reynolds. Sell high. No, I'm serious -- stop reading and go get your buddy on the line. The guy that's in eighth place and needs a shakeup. It's OK, we can wait.
SS: Jason Bartlett and Ben Zobrist. I really wanted to include Reid Brignac in this list too, but three Tampa Bay shortstops would just be overkill.
C: Pablo Sandoval. We knew he was capable of a high average. Where did the 15 HRs and four SBs come from? Oh, and if Sandoval isn't a catcher in your league, we'll give you Brandon Inge.
OF: Justin Upton. 21-year-olds shouldn't be this good in the majors. If he keeps this up, he's joining Pujols and Lincecum in the soon-to-be-created all-universe league.
OF: Raul Ibanez. What were the Phillies thinking, signing this old dog to a four-year contract and letting Pat Burrell walk? Yeah, I never questioned it either.
OF: Jayson Werth. He's putting up Jason Bay numbers at a fraction of the cost. If the Phillies can add some good pitching at the deadline (like they did with Joe Blanton last year), they'll run away with the NL East.
UT: Adam Lind and Shin-Soo Choo. I couldn't decide between these two, so let's give them half-a-vote each. The two lefties exhibit different skill sets, but neither cost a high draft pick and both are top-ten outfielders at the break.
SP: Chris Carpenter. Sure, he missed a little time at the beginning of the season. He's been great since, with only one six-run game in June tarnishing his 2.47 ERA and 0.87 WHIP.
SP: Edwin Jackson. The Tampa Bay Rays traded Jackson to the Tigers for Matt Joyce, or as he's affectionately known as now, a bag of balls.
SP: Josh Johnson. How mad are you going to be when Johnson signs with the Yankees or Red Sox after his arbitration years run out? 14, maybe 15 on a ten-point scale?
SP: Jarrod Washburn. I couldn't tell you how he's doing it, but Washburn enters the break with a sub-3.00 ERA and an excellent 1.09 WHIP. Who does he think he is, Cliff Lee?
RP: Ryan Franklin. It's time to come off the ledge, Chris Perez owners. You thought you had a bargain, but it just wasn't in the Cards. See what I did there? Hey, where are you going?
The Matt Wieters 25-or-Under All-Keepers
1B: Fielder. A year younger (at least) than Miguel Cabrera, Fielder is an easy choice here. I'd still trade either for Pujols in a keeper league, but I'm just sayin'.2B: Ian Stewart. The guy is 24 and looks like he's on his way to figuring it all out. The power has come, now will the average?
3B: Evan Longoria. The 23-year-old Tampa Bay third baseman has quickly become one of the top options at the hot corner. We hope he's the next A-Rod (unless you're a Tampa Bay fan).
SS: Ramirez. Hanley is still only 25, making him by far the No. 1 keeper league commodity in the majors.
C: Brian McCann. Be patient, my Matt Wieters-owning friends. I know the category is named after him, but the sweet-swinging McCann is only 25 and is far more proven than the Baltimore rookie.
OF: Braun. Remember when we were worried about Braun's long-term stock when the Brewers moved him off third? Turns out a 35-HR, 100-plus RBI bat plays anywhere. Who knew?
OF: J.Upton. At your live draft, the B.J. Upton owner laughed at your Justin Upton pick in the late rounds. "Sorry dude, but I got the only Upton that matters." Loser.
OF: Matt Kemp. Any other manager would waste Kemp's huge potential by hitting him in the top half of the order. That's why Joe Torre makes the big bucks, because he understands baseball better than you.
UT: Matt Wieters. C'mon, you know I couldn't put together a keeper list without the Baseball Jesus. I've already cleared a weekend in 2030 for his Hall of Fame induction ceremony.
SP: Lincecum. He'd be the first pitcher taken in any redraft, keeper, dynasty, NL-Only, roto, H2H, points, animated-pitchman, Fleaflicker, or any other league. (By the way, sign up for your post-ASB leagues here.)
SP: Chad Billingsley. Sure, he walks too many people, but that type of talent can't be forsaken. He could have a Hamels-like run en route to leading the Dodgers to a title this year.
SP: Yovani Gallardo. Racking up strikeouts quicker than a fantasy baseball writer at a Victoria's Secret fashion show, Gallardo mixes sheer awesomeness with the consistent ability to be unabashedly amazing.
SP: Tommy Hanson. Premature? You bet. But I had to get a man-crush in here somewhere. Tommy Boy will eventually lose the walks. I hope you've traded for him by that point.
RP: Joakim Soria. I'd take him over Jonathan Broxton if I had the choice. Soria has posted sub-1.00 WHIP seasons in 2007 and 2008, as well as a sub-1.00 WHIP season in the first half of 2009.
