Roto Rush: My Apology to Johnny Cueto

Poppin' out the box scores and right into your cubicle, the Roto Rush is your double espresso shot of fantasy baseball advice every weekday.

I had no idea I had these kinds of powers. Just one day after I made Johnny Cueto one of the headliners for All-Star Game snubs, he took the ball against the Philadelphia Phillies. The result was an absolute massacre, the likes of which we rarely -- if ever -- see from a starting pitcher. This outing so was horrifying it scared the hell out of Ugly.

The line? 49 pitches, 5 hits, 3 walks, 2 home runs, 2 doubles, 9 earned runs ... all with just two recorded outs. Two.

Poor Johnny's ERA skyrocketed from 2.69 all the way up to 3.45 and his WHIP went from 1.11 to 1.19. Moving the numbers so significantly in one start is no small feat, because he's already thrown more than 100 innings.

The worst news of all is to any owners who were starting Cueto in a weekly head-to-head league. Congratulations, you just lost ERA and WHIP for this week! And it's only Monday.

Moving forward, Cueto should still be OK, which, I know, is tough to hear right now. There was some normalization to begin happening in the BABIP department, but his control has been much better this year and he has been dealing with some back issues. Once we get north of the All-Star break, he'll have had enough rest and be ready to have a solid second half. Plus, the Phillies scored 22 freaking runs. They tagged the rest of the staff for more than Cueto. Must have been something in the water.

Finally, I'll stop the karmic hexing of him from here on out.

Oh, and just in case I really do have jinxing powers: The Cubs are going to lose 100 games this season and definitely will not win the World Series.

There, we'll see how that goes. If this works, you have my word that I'll join up with the rest of the goat-obsessed faithful.

Bits From the Box Scores:
- Kevin Millwood also didn't do me any favors. If you want to prove you belong on an All-Star team, allowing 9 earned runs is not a good idea. Why didn't anyone tell that to these guys? At least Millwood spaced his out over the course of 5 innings. Still, bad form.

- Of course, in complete contradiction to the above, Justin Upton had a homer and 3 RBI in his first two at-bats after I touted him. Jered Weaver, who I lumped in with Millwood as a snub, did the job against the Rangers as well. I'm gonna have to study this jinx crap more thoroughly.

- Jimmy Rollins was one of the Phils who had some fun Monday night, but he's beginning to finally trend upward. We've discussed him frequently, because there aren't many players with more talent and this season he's been dreadful from the plate. He's now on a modest 5-game hitting streak. Within that streak, though, he's been on fire. He's 10-for-19 with 4 doubles, 1 home run, 6 RBI and 6 runs scored. He's walked 5 times and only struck out once. If you can still find a way to trade for him, do so now. His career second half splits greatly favor the second half.

- Randy Wells is legit. After getting screwed with no help from his teammates for his first 7 starts, things have turned a corner. In those 7 starts, either the offense didn't show up or the bullpen blew the game for him (again, old people, quit juding pitchers solely on wins and losses) and he was 0-3 with a 2.55 ERA. Five of those starts were statistically quality starts, and one of them wasn't because he only threw 5 shutout innings (jerk). So, basically, he's only had one bad outing all season, because he's now 4-3. Four straight starts have resulted in victories for the rookie, and he's racked up four more quality starts along the way. His ERA is 2.43 and his WHIP is 1.09. He's struck out 49 batters and walked only 14. The Cubs appear to be coming around as a team, which means more wins are on the horizon. None of his peripherals (FIP, BABIP, to name two) suggest a huge normalization to the rate stats. I guess my question is, why isn't he even owned in half of the fantasy leagues out there? It's less than 50 percent almost anywhere you look. That's criminal. Go get him.

- Speaking of which, let's talk about this Jarrod Washburn guy. He's also owned in less than half of the fantasy leagues out there. After throwing a one-hitter against the Orioles Monday night, Washburn lowered his ERA to 3.08 and WHIP to 1.10. He's getting more ground balls and walking less, and it seems to be working. His BABIP is pretty low (.257), but not to the point that it's unsightly (his career figure is .281). It doesn't make a ton of sense to have a resurgence of this magnitude, however, he's only 34 and he's in a walk year. It's entirely possible he's dialed it up and is legitimately having a season like 2005.

- John Smoltz, on the other hand, has had a rough go. He had a good outing in start number two, but it was shortened by rain. His other two outings have yielded 5 earned runs each -- and it wasn't like he was facing offensive juggernauts (the A's and Nats were the two teams). His velocity has been OK, but he hasn't been hitting his spots. If you can afford to be patient, hold onto him, because his peripheral stats show he's been a bit unlucky. If not, feel free to look elsewhere for starting pitching. I mean, he is 42-years-old and coming off a few arm surgeries. It's possible he's just done.

- Brett Anderson shut the Red Sox out. That should get the attention of anyone. In his last three outings, he's 2-0 with a 1.86 ERA and 0.93 WHIP. Perhaps more exciting in that span are the 19 strikeouts in 19 1/3 innings. He's only 21, so definitely take a look in keeper leagues immediately -- if he's available.

- Willie Bloomquist had a solid night for the Royals, and he's actually proving helpful in the right situation. He's eligible almost anywhere, he has 15 stolen bases and his .284 average is pretty adequate -- especially for a middle infield spot in AL-Only leagues.

- Beginning with a game-winning home run over the Cubs (grrrr ... ) Ryan Raburn has been on a nice little tear. He's hitting .464 with 2 bombs and 8 RBI in 28 at-bats. He's only started 6 times since then, but hopefully Jim Leyland is taking notice and will give him some more chances.

- Nyjer Morgan now has 3 steals in 4 games for the Nationals and has 21 on the season. He's probably available in your league, too. Nothing like cheap speed.

- Jason Marquis' ERA is 3.61 now. He's won 11 games. He won 11 games all season last year for a team that won 97 games. The thing is, he's still getting hit (114 hits in 117 1/3 innings). He's just trimmed his walk totals and is better pitching around the hits. He's getting a ton more ground balls than he did for the Cubs -- and he's a sinker-baller, so that also shows he's had better command. He's getting good help defensively, but that part isn't going away. I still like him as a sell-high guy based upon his track record, but a lot of what he's doing appears to be legitimate.

Returning: Both Josh Hamilton and Aramis Ramirez returned. Ramirez went 0-4, hitting the ball hard just once. He was aggressive and took a few big hacks -- which is a good sign his shoulder isn't hampering the swing. He'll be fine. Hamilton, on the other hand, announced his presence with authority. He went 2-4 with a double. Suffice it to say, he's ready to start swinging the bat and have a solid second half.

Lineup Lock Time: 7:05 PM ET. Your work day is free from fantasy baseball. Is that really a good thing, though?